Hot Beer & Cold Fries.
(Mutt & Geoff Duck for Cover)

What does the title mean, you might ask?

The weather has been very warm lately, but my power has been off, so the beer is warm and the fries from the local fish shop are cold by the time I get them home.

Mutt and Geoff are two wild ducks, who come for a feed twice a day.

They have just had kittens, or whatever you call baby ducks.
Actually they can't be Baby Ducks because the label on the bottle says they are 50% red and 50% white. These little guys are yellow.).
I don't think either Mutt or Geoff has an idea where they came from - being far too stupid to work out the phenomenon of four fuzzy little peeping creatures constantly shadowing their every move.
Mutt and Geoff are so dumb that, if I put their feeding tray (actually an old frying pan) up on a low lying bench, they can't figure where it goes, even watching closely.
I have tried to make them realise that as soon as something goes just above their line of sight it doesn't suddenly cease to exist, rather is still available to them if only they will allow the concept of rising dish to materialise in their tiny brains, but to no avail.
As soon as the pan gets more than twelve inches off the ground, they think it disappears.
The reason I am trying to get them to rise to the occasion, is that their food gets waterlogged from splashing raindrops, even under cover. If I elevate it somewhat, the dish is splashproof and their food doesn't get soggy.
Then I discovered that they like their dinner soggy...real soggy.
I feed them rolled oats. Funny name for a product that looks distinctly flat. I tried rolling them, but they just fall over and lie on their sides...not very exciting. Having been "rolled", they forever retain their victim roll and can never recover their well rounded personalities.

Enough of grainy problems and ducky outlooks.
I'm looking forward to the day Mutt and Geoff are nicely fattened.
Think I like hot beer and cold fries?
Give me roast duck any time!

There they go, ducking for cover.